


House of Hazard Skeletons

by Catthhay



Category: Undertale
Genre: Asylum..? Sort of, Badass Reader, Except no smut, Female Reader, Fresh comes and goes as he f!cking pleases, Kind like a harem story..?, No Smut, Poor whittle babies, Psychiatrist-ish Reader, Temporary Underlust sans, Trauma, Well you're job is to be a companion and psychiatrist person, and hit them, and maybe not so platonic, but low key you just listen to their issues, but sometimes stupid Skeles need a hit on the skull, disappearing error, lotsa platonic love, mental issues, messed up reader, messed up shit, more tags as needed, not hard though, sometimes, when they are being stupid, you don't abuse them
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-11-03
Packaged: 2018-10-13 04:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10506486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catthhay/pseuds/Catthhay
Summary: *Based on/ in the world of House is Sans by Moontamble and House of Papyrus by aphVirgina. *So Y/N and Wheatley take care of the sane skeletons. The relatively safe Sanses and Papyruses. But what happens to the ones that aren't safe? They can sometimes stumble through an errant portal like the Bitties. And the multiversal, homicidal skeletons? They need to be taken care of too.That's where you come in. You're an ex-member of the underground, separated yourself from your not-so-voluntary time as an assassin. But when you have a relatively short temper and questionable sanity, what kind of job can you get? None that last more than a week or two, that's what.At least, until you find an add posted in the deep web. It was a relatively domestic job, asking for caretaker and live in psychiatrist for monsters that may be homicidal. It was in the deep web because the job was secret, and the potential employee could possibly die.Homicidal monsters with magic? What sane person would take that job?Well, you did, so there goes any pretense at sanity.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [House of Papyrus](https://archiveofourown.org/works/7035328) by [aphVirginia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aphVirginia/pseuds/aphVirginia). 
  * Inspired by [House of Sans](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6540613) by [Moontamble](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontamble/pseuds/Moontamble). 



~~~This is set in the universe of House of Papyrus and House of Sans, but on the darker side. Alphys secretly hires you for a definitely-not-illegal job of trying to make homicidal and/or otherwise dangerous skeletons from other dimensions able to work well in your world. Good luck~~~

You sat in an alleyway, stuffing a stolen cupcake in your mouth. You weren't above petty theft, you had done much worse in your not-very-long life. Like killing people for money. You stopped counting once you hit sixty, though, but you had killed a lot of people. It wasn't exactly your choice since you had been blackmailed into it, but you'd be lying if you said that some perverse side of you hadn't enjoyed the job. 

Still, after the thing that was used to blackmail you no longer became blackmail material, you left faster than you came. You were determined not to kill another person unless it was necessary... you already had to deal with blood on your hands that wouldn't come off. 

To make matters worse, your time as an assassin left you with a pretty messed up head and a short temper, so when you tried to return to the normal "clean" workforce you found it difficult to hold onto a job for more than two weeks. 

That led you to your current dilemma. Your most recent job attempt had been at a bakery, but apparently the boss didn't condone "accidentally" shoving a perverted asshole of a coworker into a preheated oven. Or the slightly (majorly) manic villain monologue that came before it. The asshat also escaped with just a new minor burns, which made your prompt firing that much more scalding. Heh, scalding. Inner puns are the best. So as you walked out you grabbed a cupcake from the display case and found a cozy alley to hunker down in. 

You tossed the cupcake wrapper towards a cockroach across the alley from you when you were done, getting up and walking out. Three months without steady pay finally made you consider returning to illegal work. The normal stuff just wasn't working out. Heheh, working out. Man you were on a roll inside your head. 

You strode into the nearest library with all the grace of a seasoned, professional killer. Your footsteps made no sound, your face had no expression, your presence could hardly be felt. You made you way casually to a computer that was as out of the way as possible, and proceeded to look into the deep web for new jobs. As long as it didn't include assassination, you were probably gonna take whatever you could. 

That's when you saw it. 

**Need a live-in caretaker and psychiatrist for troublesome and/or homicidal monsters. Life may be in danger, looking for somebody who is willing to deal with life threatening situations and live with possibly homicidal individuals. Contact Dr. A at this email: xxxx_xxx_x999@xxxmail.com**

**the email is safe and personally engineered to be untraceable. Death on the job will not be held at our responsibility if you are accepted for this job. The pay is $50 an hour, for every hour spent at the safe house with the monsters that are to be cared for. Food, clothing, and other necessities will be included. Self defense capability is required.**

 

The job sounded horrible. It provided you a home, shelter, food, and necessities, but so did a prison and it would be more reasonable to go live in one of those than this mess. Plus, monsters had magic. Humans, even the best trained fighter, would be at a disadvantage. It would be certifiably insane to even inquire about the job. 

You were already typing out the email. Five minutes later you sent it, closed out the computer, rid the thing of all the traces you could of your surfing, turned the whole thing off, and left the library. 

It took an hour to reach the library at the other end of the city. Once you got there you got on a hidden computer, same as before, and opened up your secure email that you used for your underground jobs. There was already a reply. 

**Sent by: xxxx_xxx_x999@xxxmail.com**

**Subject: Live In Job**

**Hello! I saw your request for the job. Please show up at the center of the park, exactly three hundred and seventy-eight paces to the left of the amphitheater by seven thirty pm tonight. I will decide there if you will be hired or not.**

**Dr. A.**

You raised your eyebrows, exiting out and repeating the process from before to hide what you did. Then you checked the clock; it was five thirty. Just enough time to scrounge up something to eat with the twenty dollar bill in your pocket and make it to the meeting place on time. 

You wondered if this Dr. A was used to doing underground jobs. Meeting with a job applicant in person before even knowing if they're a cop or not? Perhaps they were newbies to the whole criminal thing. 

~~~ 

They were not a novice, whoever Dr. A was. When you arrived at the meeting spot, ten minutes early and with a decently full belly, you saw nobody. Careful analysis did show you a very well hidden, and most likely homemade since you didn't recognize the model, camera. A stuttering voice came from an unseen, but quiet, microphone. 

"H-hello. Y-you are the person who applied, correct?" The voice asked. Assuming they could hear you, you nodded and said; 

"That's me. Call me Penance. It's my cover name for these kinds of jobs." 

"P-possibly suicidal jobs?" 

"Underground jobs, but I've done a few suicidal ones in my life so why not another, right!" The person nervously chuckled. Okay, they weren't comfortable with secret and illegal jobs, but they knew how to do them correctly. A good boss to have. These types didn't usually do jobs for fun, or out of greed, but out of necessity. 

"H-hold on. My coworker w-will take over the I-interview from here. She is m-more capable and w-will probably o-oversee y-y-your job more than I w-w-will," you didn't get to nod before the voice was replaced by a decidedly less stuttery and more mentally unstable version. 

"Hello human. I will start with the interview questions now. First, are you scared of death?" 

"Scared? Not particularly," you hummed in thought, tilting your head. "Concerned maybe, but I've faced it head on so many times that I'm a bit desensitized. Also, are you the same person as before? Your voices sound the same, like you just made it more nasally and stopped stuttering." 

"Humph. I can check off observant. If you must know human, I am a version of my coworker from a world parallel to this one. That will be explained in more detail should you get this job." 

"Ah. I walked into a bowl full of crazy huh?" 

"Backing out?" The sinister sounding woman asked, sounding both amused and appalled at the same time. You chuckled. 

"Nah, just serve it with some milk. Chocolate milk, regular milk is gross. I eat all my cereal with chocolate milk, even the pure-batshit-crazy variety." 

The voice was silent for a moment. "Your apparent lack of sanity has checked off another requirement," ouch she was blunt as fuck. "One more question; depending on your answer this may satisfy the remainder of the questions. Are you the same Penance that is well known in this world's illegal society as a seasoned assassin?" 

You looked around you subtly, confirming nobody was around. You hated this question; if anybody else was nearby or your potential employers ended up being undercover cops, you had a ticket straight to the slammer for life if not worse. Eh, risks were fun. 

"I don't kill anymore, but yeah. I used to be a triggerman. Woman. Kickass ninja. Whatever terminology you prefer." 

"What proof do I have? People apparently claim to be her quite often." 

"Copycats are a pain in my ass," you agreed, wrinkling your nose. "If you've done your research, you know about the Sign right? They say you'll know the true Penance if you see her right shoulder." 

"I've heard." 

So you pulled your right sleeve all the way up, pulling it as far over your shoulder as possible. There was a scar-- not a tattoo, but an actual carving made with a knife-- of a tipped scale of justice. There was a bullet wound right over the lower of the two sides of the scale. To prove it was real you pulled a knife out of your pocket and gently ran the long edge over it, where it would cut away any prosthetic. Other than a shallow scratch bleeding over the scar, nothing in the entire eerie image changed. The voice hummed in approval.

"Walk to the amphitheater. I'm the only monster currently present in the backstage area. My... milder coworker has left already. I will give you the location to meet me at for the job there, in person." 

You agreed, and headed there immediately. So far, so good. You crossed your fingers and prayed the whole time that she wasn't a cop. Or an agent of the FBI, CIA, or anyone else who had it out for you. When you walked cautiously into the backstage area, the tip of a yellow tail was your only warning before a monster stepped out in front of you suddenly. You reacted on instinct, grabbing one clawed hand and easily tossing the lizard onto the ground. Once you were on top of her and keeping her immobile, you assessed the situation. 

The person you had just pinned was a yellow lizard monster with swirly, thick round glasses like the ones nerdy people sometimes wore in anime. She was wearing a red and black striped sweater and looked as if she was used to being randomly pinned. She smiled, her sharp teeth in her muzzle slightly unnerving you. Slightly. 

"Indeed the genuine article," she hummed, pleased. "You may call me Doctor Fell. Now let me up." Deciding that even though you were used to (and still disliked) her harsh tone that you should probably not ruin your chance at this job, and so you stood up. You did not offer a hand up, though, which she didn't seem to even notice the lack of as she got up on her own. She started heading out of the theater. "Come on, we're taking you to your new home and job." You frowned. 

"I thought you were just going to give me the location here?" The lizard looked back and scowled at you. 

"Do you want to be homeless for another night?" You didn't question how she knew you were homeless. You were carrying a duffel bag, after all. And a backpack. It was probably easy to guess. 

You followed after her without another word. 


	2. First day

The place was interesting. Dr. Fell had led you to her lab, and down into a below ground (she refused to use the word "underground" for obvious reasons) facility that could only be accessed by fingerprint activation of a hidden switch. You now stood in front of a large, metal door. She wasn't going to let you in yet, because she apparently had things to explain first. 

"Inside there are three floors. The first, where this door leads, is the recreational floor. The living and entertainment room, kitchen, and similar areas are on that floor. The two levels below that are the residential floors where all your rooms are located. Your room is on the one directly below this level, and closest to the staircase to allow optimal ability for escape," that sounded very ominous. They needed to give you the room that was easiest to escape from? 

For some reason you found yourself excited at the prospect of living with challenging people that were skilled, dangerous, and possibly out for blood. And mentally unstable like you. It filled you with... Giddiness. 

"Now, let me explain the current inhabitants. They are all skeleton monsters," your mind filled with images of a room full of Jack Skellingtons. "However, due to an invention made by the alternate version of myself that stutters uncontrollably, we now have the ability to visit alternate dimensions. When that machine is in use, all power in the lab goes out. This facility is on a separate power generator that should remain unaffected, but if a power outage does occur there is a spare generator in the closet right next to this door, with clear instructions on how to operate it. Understand so far?" Her tone made it seem like Dr. Fell expected you to be a blubbering simpleton who needed things reiterated. You nodded. 

"Pretty easy so far. Go on," she nodded at you and continued. 

"As discussed earlier, I am from one of those alternate dimensions. These skeletons you are watching over are each from their own alternate universe well. You currently have five to look after. They are all either a Sans or Papyrus; the Papyruses are the taller ones and Sanses are the borderline midgets," you were coming to see her as the type of lizard that constantly upset people just by talking normally. She completely ignored being politically correct. "First, you have a group from an alternate dimension that remained underground for centuries longer than any other universe we have found so far. Their monster population became starved because of lack of food and an insanity that clearly comes because of Undyne ruling the underground without some version of myself to balance her out," was this Undyne character someone this crazed wacko liked? Dr. Fell spoke slightly more fondly of that woman, whoever they were. "Because of that lack of food and the insanity that comes with prolonged time underground, this Sans and Papyrus have become very mentally unstable and, like the other monsters of their world, have turned to eating the humans that fell into the underground for sustenance," you cringed. Sure, you've killed who knows how many people in who knows how many different ways, but eating humans? That was straight from a horror story. "They go by the nicknames Axe for the short one, and Spaghetti for the Papyrus. They aren't very creative anymore, so don't blame me for the horrible names," you blinked, thinking about how weird it was going to be to call somebody Spaghetti. You were going to come up with another nickname for sure. "You'll know who they are because Axe has a giant crack in the skull and Spaghetti is a giant with horrifying teeth," coming from Dr. Fell, who had choppers to rival Jaws, you shivered. Those had to be some seriously frightening teeth.

"The next pair you are working with are from an alternate dimension where every monster is a god or goddess, and in order to balance out Toriel, the goddess of Life's creation of humans, they created gods of death. They meant to only make one, but two were made on accident. Thus, you have the Sans and Papyrus who are literally Death incarnate. That Sans likes to go by Death, and Papyrus by Reaper. They are the most sane of your... patients, but they have issues too. Though they can converse and interact like normal beings, a single touch to their bare bone will kill any living being. Plus, if they meet or see anyone, and I mean  _anyone_ who is near death, they will go about reaping their soul in their own unique way. For Death, he just kills them without hesitation with his scythe. Reaper tries to comfort them so they are ready to be reaped, but either way they will kill whoever they find that is close to death because they cannot comprehend this world being without reapers. And Death, personally, hates it when people cheat him. If you somehow make it out of a near death situation near him, he will become irrationally upset," you rubbed your forehead. You had to watch skeleton gods of death? When did your life go down the shit hole? Oh yeah. Maybe it was the first time you killed somebody? That would make sense. Or, it would make Sans... heh. You just heard their names and were already making puns. God, you were good. 

"Any other super odd, dangerous monster skeleton I need to worry about?" You asked, slightly grumpy now. Dr. Fell chuckled. 

"You took the job, idiot. Anyway, there is one last person you have to worry about right now. This one is a skeleton who can travel across the Multiverse-- in other words, enter any universe he wants whenever he wants. We, my counterpart and I, created a bracelet that tethers him to this singular reality, so he can only teleport within this universe. His teleportation is still monitored, and limited as much as possible. He is called Nightmare, and is exactly what he sounds like. The incarnation of nightmares and negativity. Extremely possessive and manipulative, but the least likely to straight up murder you... not that that relative statement holds much weight. We are currently trying to track down two other skeletal beings that can also travel the Multiverse at will, and place the same bracelets on them. Once we succeed they will join your care. Until then, good luck!" 

She opened the door and shoved you in with a rough push to the back. You huffed and let yourself stumble in. Under normal circumstances you would have made it so her push didn't even budge you, but decided she needed the confidence boost of making you stumble. 

You straightened up after entering, and threw your duffel and backpack onto the ground before looking up at your new roommates. Four were currently in the room with you. 

You recognized them by the descriptions Dr. Fell gave you as being Spaghetti, who was significantly taller and more innocently menacing (how was that possible?) than his other tall counterpart, Reaper, who was in a standard grim reaper's black cloak alongside his brother Death. The last skeleton in the room was a Sans, judging by his height, and was purple and gooey looking. Must be nightmare. 

 

You froze, gritting your teeth. The one missing was Axe, the one Dr. Fell said was from the human-eating universe with a crack on his skull. Spaghetti was looking at you with a child-murderer sort of glee, and the room was silent. Their eyes were all on you. 

You ducked, reaching behind you to grab the axe that had been inches away from chopping your head in two. You let out a low, appreciative whistle. 

"Nice job sneaking up on me, nobody's been able to do that for at least a year and a half. Puts you on my list of currently-most-dangerous out of the skeletons in this room, congrats. Also, I see why your nickname is Axe now. I thought maybe it might be an obsession with the cologne, but guess I was wrong," you smiled at him. He wasn't really much shorter than you, and you were fairly tall for a human female anyway so Dr. Fell's assessment of "borderline midget" seemed hilarious now, since she was shorter than this Sans at least. 

You didn't notice the other skeletons tensing at your smile. They had never seen a human before whose smile could match the intensity of a Sans before, let alone Horrortale's Sans. Your smile was tight at he edges, creepy in the same way as the skeleton you were facing, and your eyes held an intelligence and familiarity with death that shook even Death himself ever so slightly. You were not normal. They could not take you lightly. 

You ripped the axe out of Axe's hand and tossed it into the wall to your side without turning your head. It stuck there, the blade thoroughly imbedded in the stone wall. "Also, Dr. Fell has to work on her descriptions. That's a fucking hole in your head, not a goddamn crack," you huffed and stepped to the side, turning around so that Axe was behind you but to the side so you could keep him in your peripheral vision. You looked around the room, then made a beeline for the kitchen. 

"I'm fucking starving. Sorry Axe, Spaghetti, that was insensitive of me... oh well deal with it," you opened the fridge and rummaged around for food. "I'm Y/N, but you guys can call me Penance. I'm an ex-assassin with somewhere between one and two hundred human lives taken by my hands," you closed the fridge and opened the soda you took from it, taking a long sip. You studied Death and Reaper's gaze as you did so, watching their reaction to what you just said. Death's hands were clenched, Reaper's face was concerned. "By the way, Spaghetti," you pointed to the tall skeleton with admittedly just-as-creepy-as-expected teeth. "Your new nickname is Gigantor. I cannot just call somebody Spaghetti and still pretend to be sane. Anyway, I'm your new live in caretaker slash psychiatrist slash prison warden. They have you guys here because you are hazards to the people of this dimension, and they hired me because even though I quit my old job, it turns out I'm very bad at normal ones. I'm also insane enough to take this job willingly, but mentally stable enough to possibly be able to get you guys on the right track again," you glanced up at the ceiling, trailing off into silence as you thought. "Also, first chance I get I'm going to tell Dr. Fell to buy us chocolate milk. That regular stuff is nasty." 

"HUMAN," that came from Reaper. "WHY DID YOU KILL OTHER HUMANS? YOU ARE NOT A GOD OF DEATH, SO WHY TAKE THEIR LIVES IF IT WAS NOT NECESSARY?" 

"yeah, bud," Death agreed calmly, though you could see the tension in his smile. "i don't even like my job, but it's what i was made for so i don't got a choice. why would you go out and do that? money?" You chuckled darkly, clenching your hand tightly around the can of soda you were holding, hidden pain crossing over your features. 

"It's not like I wanted to," you said softly, teeth clenched together. "And I don't want to talk about it. I got out as soon as I could, that's all that matters," you sipped again, turning and opening a cabinet one handed and pulling down a can of tuna before seeking out a can opener. 

"HUMAN," that was Gigantor. "Can I have your eyeballs?" You paused, looking back at him carefully. You put your soda down, turning to him and leaning back on the counter. 

"Why would you want my eyeballs?" 

"I NEED MEATBALLS FOR MY SPAGHETTI! WHAT BETTER FRIENDSHIP DINNER TO MAKE FOR A NEW FRIEND THAN SPAGHETTI WITH THEIR EYEBALLS?" You tried to hold it back, but failed and laughed. You had to clench your stomach as you laughed so hard, knowing the poor innocent murderer meant exactly what he said. You felt a room full of eye lights on you, and you could feel them judging your mental stability. "DID I SAY SOMETHIG WEIRD, HUMAN?" You looked at him, then you laughed some more. 

"N-nah, just something-- heh,  _humerus_ , Gigantor," you felt approval leaking from three of your new housemates as all the Sanses chuckled at your pun. Hey, they appreciated bad jokes! Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. The two Papyruses groaned.

"INDEED THE HUMAN THEY CHOSE TO WATCH OVER US IS JUST AS FOND OF HORRENDOUS HUMOR AS OUR BROTHERS," Reaper mused, annoyed. 

"What can I say? It--" you knew Reaper had just walked into another one, and all the skeletons in the room seemed to see your train of thought at the same time. The Sanses grinned, while the Papyruses yelled at the same time;

"DON'T YOU DARE, HUMAN!" 

"Heheh, tickles my funny bone," once again the room was filled with laughter and groaning, and it took you another long moment before you got control of your laughter and wiped the cheery tears from your eyes. "Anyway, Gigantor. No you cannot have my eyeballs," the poor guy looked dejected, and you could see an annoyed twitch come from Axe. "After all," you were so glad you had experience dealing with loonies like yourself. "If I didn't have my eyeballs, I couldn't see your culinary masterpiece, could I?" Gigantor perked up at that, eyes... sparkling? Oh god. How could a human eating murderer look so adorable? 

"YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT, HUMAN! I WILL SIMPYL HAVE TO TAKE YOUR SPLEEN WHILE YOU SLEEP SO I CAN USE IT TO MAKE THE SAUCE! BRILLIANT!" You grimaced, planning in your head how you were going to lock your door and assure he couldn't get to your bed. You were a light sleeper anyway, but with Magic using monsters you knew you could never be too cautious. 

"This is going to be a very interesting job," you muttered to yourself as you finally found a can opener and proceeded to open the tuna. "Very interesting indeed." 

 


	3. First Night

"No, Gigantor. For the last fucking time, you cannot make dinner and you cannot use any part of my body to make it either," you said, tapping your foot on the ground. "None of my nails, blood, fingers, or intestines. Sit back and watch a master at fending for herself cook something up," you went to crack your fingers, remembered your new roommates are all skeletons, and decided against it. For the second time in one day, you dodged to the side and grabbed an axe from out of the air where your head was a moment ago. You huffed, glaring at Axe. "You already freed this thing from the wall? No, you know what I won't concern myself with how much strength that would take;  _STOP TRYING TO KILL ME FOR FOOD_ damn it!"

"so we can kill you for other reasons?" Death asked smugly, watching the show that was happening with you and the Horrortale brothers in the kitchen as he lounged on the couch. You chuckled, not able to be annoyed at him because what he said was actually amusing to you and your morbid sense of humor. 

"Nope. Rule number one: you can't kill your caretaker slash psychiatrist slash prison guard," you said with a bright smile. 

"can we "accidentally" shove you into the oven when we mistake it for your bedroom?" Nightmare decided to say, joining the conversation and speaking for the first time since you arrived. You stared at him, and cackled. "what?" 

"I-- haha! The coincidence is too much!" You had to lean against the counter for support and Nightmare growled in annoyance. 

"What coincidence?" 

"I got fired this morning from my job at a bakery for shoving this perverted guy into a preheated oven after he tried to grope me," you explained, smiling almost wide enough to rival the skeletons you were speaking to. Nightmare stared at you in shock for a moment before he started laughing, too. You calmed yourself down and proceeded to raid the cabinets. 

"HUMAN?" Reaper boomed from behind you. You turned you head, blinking. 

"Yes?" 

"WHY ARE YOU PREPARING TO MAKE DINNER AT NINE O'CLOCK AT NIGHT?" 

"... that can of tuna didn't fill me up," you explain meekly, shrugging. "If I have to cook, might as well cook for everyone, right? Besides this can count as step one to rehabilitating Axe and Gigantor." 

"HOW SO?" Reaper tilted his head slightly, curious. 

"I have no clue when the last time they had a meal that didn't include human bodyparts was. So by making them a human-free meal every day, twice a day at least, I might be able to slowly decondition them from their human devouring behavior," you explained, sounding official. Death raised his brow bones, leaning up to look at you better. 

"You actually sound smart and not like a lunatic ex-assassin," he remarked, sounding only slightly interested. Your smile fell, but you continued gathering ingredients as if what he said hadn't bothered you at all. 

"To survive so long as an assassin, you have to be smart. Most people don't think about that," you said softly as you got the pot ready. "You have enemies everywhere, especially when you're like me and everyone knows your cover name. Penance, described as 'voluntary self punishment' to repent for something they did wrong. Or, if you're imposing penance on somebody then you are punishing them to force them to repent for something they did," your voice was monotone, used to giving this speech to people who knew about your criminal career. "Everyone in the criminal under-- criminal world knows the name Penance. I had authorities in different countries and assassins and mercenaries from rival employers chasing me everywhere. Might still, but I shook 'em off a while back and they wouldn't find me down here. 'Sides, even if they did find me I doubt they'd be able to hurt me before they're killed by Tweedle Kill and Tweedle Murder," you jammed your thumb towards Axe and Gigantor. "Even if they managed to get past you all though, I can obviously take care of myself. Anyway, that's besides the point; I have to be smart enough to evade dozens of enemies at once while also achieving my objective. Nightmare, could you hand me that bag of chicken breasts?" 

Nightmare huffed, but knew he was the only one you could trust to do it without accidentally touching you and killing you, or trying to use your arm as a chicken wing. A dark aura surrounded the bag as he floated it over to you. You grabbed it from where it floated, staring at it for a moment before shaking your head and pulling out pieces to chop up. Magic, right. 

"And when you're given a hit, a person you gotta kill, there are varying levels of difficulty. The stupid assassins are almost always caught, even on a basic difficulty. I was constantly given the highest difficulty jobs; assassination of higher up officials, or millionaires or the like who constantly are out in the public and with guards. Planning out how to get in, kill 'me, and get out without being killed or caught is hard," you knocked on your head with one fist. "If I wasn't smart I wouldn't be here, doing this job that might just finally make me croak," you dropped the newly cut cubes of chicken into the pot, stirring them so they cooked all the way through. 

"which is it?" Death asked softly, and you looked back at him. Axe and Gigantor were over with Nightmare, who was still laughing and teasing them about their new Tweedle Kill and Tweedle Murder nicknames. That would become an inside joke in no time, and you knew it. 

"Which is what?" 

"your name. which definition of penance is it?" you paused in your stirring, and smiled sadly. 

"Bit of both, I guess," you shrugged. "Always has been. Now then!" You pulled out your phone and dialed the number Dr. Fell have you, using your shoulder to keep it at your ear. 

"Quitting already?" The familiar nasally jerk asked on the other end of the line. 

"I don't quit," you said happily, stating a fact. "I never quit a job once I start. You researched me, you should know that by now."

"Then what the hell do you want?" Geez, somebody was in a bad mood. 

"Chocolate milk!" 

"...What?" 

"Get me two gallons of chocolate milk every week! We just had a really depressing conversation, I need chocolate milk from now on to recover from those kinds of chats!" 

"What kind of crazy are you?" 

"The kind that will sneak her ass out of here and melt all of your anime figures if you don't give her her chocolate milk allowance," your voice was cheery as you stirred away at the food, but Dr. Fell could tell that you meant every word you said. 

"How the fuck did you even know I had anime figures?" She asked, angry now. 

"Your car is littered with anime paraphernalia, it isn't hard to guess that you are a hardcore otaku," you state simply, grabbing two cans of condensed cheese soup, and a handful of spices. You opened the cans and dumped every drop of that cheesy goodness into the pot of now-cooked chicken. You hung up after she agreed to 'give you your fucking stupid fucking chocolate milk allowance, you motherfucking blackmailing psycho.' 

In another fifteen minutes you finished, and removed the lid from the pot. A delicious scent filled the whole floor, and everyone gathered at the open exit to the kitchen. You were suddenly glad that the kitchen wasn't small and had an open exit, this way not even all of them side by side could block her from leaving. You made a note to thank Dr. A. You didn't think Dr. Fell cared about you that much. 

You ladeled the goodness into a bowl for everyone, giving yourself double the amount because, damn. You were hungry. 

You all settled down on the couches around the TV, and the skeletons tasted their food slowly before proceeding to devour it like starving little devils. Even Death and Reaper, who you didn't think even needed to eat, ate your food happily. You smiled. 

"WHAT IS THIS, HUMAN? IT IS ALMOST AS MAGNIFICENT AS MY SPAGHETTI!" Gigantor exclaimed happily. You swallowed your bite and replied. 

"It probably doesn't have a real name, it's a one-pot meal I made up the recipe for a couple years back. I call it cheesy chicken, broccoli, and rice. It's chicken chunks, brown rice, and broccoli cooked in condensed cheddar soup with a little milk and butter and my own secret blend of spices," you answered. "Also easy to make for less than ten bucks when you are stranded at the edge of a village before a hit and have to use ingredients from an abandoned mansion and it's garden in order to make dinner," you ate another big spoonful. First dinner at your new house with your new roommates/patients? Success. 

~~~ 

You were in bed. You were dreaming. 

_You were at the edge of a forest, panting. The city lights were behind you, dull due to their distance. The night settled around you, threatening to suffocate you. You were bleeding, your right shoulder torn open and hosting the brand new brand that would come to define you; a scale of justice carved there and still bleeding profusely. The red ooze coated the right side of your body, even down to your right leg. You were starting to get light headed but knew that passing out meant death. You continued to stare down the man in front of you, who was grinning and holding a butcher knife in one hand._

_"You want to be judge, jury, and executioner? You can only play one roll, kid. I don't care who hired you, I won't let a no name little child kill me as they pretend to be an assassin," his punch hit your injured shoulder, your reflexes absolute shit due to your age and your injuries. No matter. You didn't need to dodge, anyway. You just needed to persevere. Find the right moment. He kicked you down, and you curled in on yourself when you hit the soft, welcoming grass._

_"Well kid? You wanna choose your fake ass roll to play before you die?" He knelt in front of you, mocking. "You'll never be lady justice. You can't even kill a little small-time mark like me. I know," he stabbed your leg, and you cried out. "How about you play the tragic hero?"_

_"How about you burn in hell?" You hiss back, your tiny hands clawing at his face. With new gouged bleeding into his eyes, you had a chance. You yanked the knife from your leg, and stabbed him. You stabbed him so many times. So many..._

You snapped your eyes open, panting for air. You threw the blankets off of you, checking yourself for any new wounds, any fresh blood. Nothing. You relaxed, sagging against the headboard of your bed. A soft glow drew your gaze to the far left corner of your room. Nightmare Sans was there, staring at you as his body let off a gentle purple glow. You stared at him, remembering how Dr. Fell said he could teleport. You wondered briefly if all the Sanses could. 

"Did you make me dream that?" You asked softly, your voice dangerous. He shook his head. 

"no, but i felt it when it began and came over." 

"How much did you see?" 

"all of it." 

You clenched and unclenched your fists in the blanket as you calmed down. "Do you feed off nightmares or something?" He shrugged. 

"not exactly, but close enough," the way he stared at you, you knew he was trying to find a use for you. Like your previous employer, planning out how he can use you for his own gain. You were filled with anger, but pushed it down. You didn't want to give him any ammo to work with, and calmed yourself down. This drew his attention, and he focused on you again as you were now completely calm. 

"Leave," you said softly, your gaze unwavering. "I've dealt with bad, screwed up people before. I'll kill myself before I bow down to one," Nightmare chuckled. 

"Heh. But you  _are_ one, angel," he said smoothly. You smirked back at him, catching him off guard. 

"You fucking bet I am. Now get out, I need some rest." 

"You can't change me, Penance," he said darkly. You raised an eyebrow. 

"There are two soul types you should never challenge, Nighty. One is determination, and the other is perseverance. I just so happen to be half and half," you smiled at him when he clenched his jaw. "I'll do whatever the hell I want to do, and you won't realize I've succeeded until it's too late for you to go back." 

 


	4. And then there were Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A certain someone in the comments (you know who you are, you wonderful person you!) suggested that I add Asylumtale Sans in here. I didn't know all that much about Asylumtale Sans other than he existed and he was just a tiny bit crazy, so I did some research. 
> 
> And let me tell you, when I first stumbled upon Asylumtale a long time ago I couldn't read it because I was already feeling sad and didn't need a dead Paps to bring me down even more. Now? I'm hooked. I need to add this dude in ASAP...
> 
> So I did. Sue me.

You had woken up at a bright and early noon, along with all of the Sanses. The two Papyruses were already awake when you stumbled into the kitchen, only to see Gigantor desperately looking for what he was describing as "human meat" when he was mumbling to himself as he searched. You sighed, clearing your throat so he saw you. Reaper was trying to desperately clean up everything that Gigantor had tossed about in his search. 

"Gigantor," you said patiently, crossing your arms as the first Sans strode into the living room out of your peripheral vision. Nightmare. Ugh. "What did I say last night?" You asked Gigantor, who seemed to deflate a bit. His shoulders sagged as he recited softer than usual; 

"No More Eating Humans." 

"Right, can you tell me why?" You moved so you could lean against the wall. You didn't need Axe sneaking up on you from behind again. 

"BECAUSE YOU'RE HUMAN AND YOU ARE OUR NEW ROOMMATE FRIEND?" 

"And..?" 

"AND ITS WRONG TO EAT HUMANS IN THIS UNIVERSE." 

"Good. One more reason?" You gently prodded, needing him to understand you. 

"AND... WE HAVE PLENTY OF NORMAL FOOD NOW?" The way he ended that sentence as if he was unsure was so adorable. If it wasn't for how absolutely horrifying and intimidating the murdering cinnamon bun was, you'd be squeaking about how he was kawaii. 

Then a knock came at the door, right as Death and Axe made it up to the rest of you. Everyone froze, clearly not expecting anyone to be there. Even you were slightly hesitant as you walked to the door, thought that was mostly because answering the door meant leaving your back open to Axe. 

Carefully, cautious of what or who might be on the other side of the door to the loony bin, you opened the solid steel door. You didn't even notice that your free hand was already clenched in a fist and ready to strike if necessary, but none of the skeletons behind you missed that little telling detail. To your surprise, it wasn't just Dr. Fell on the other side, but also a very timid looking yellow lizard that looked very similar to Dr. Fell. Remembering the stuttering over the microphone from the other day, you guessed that this new lizard was Dr. A. She kept looking off the side, where you couldn't see what she was looking at since it was around the corner of the hallway. 

"How nice of you to show up so early in the morning," you greeted, only attempting to be kind for the nervous lizard's sake, not Dr. Fell's. Dr. Fell scowled at you. 

"It is already the afternoon, you lazy bum." 

"H-h-hey, don't b-be so r-r-rude!" Dr. A scolded Dr. Fell. You liked this lizard already. Then she looked at you, and offered a shaky smile. "Hi! I-I'm Doctor A-Alphys." 

"Hi, Doctor Alphys. What can this humble criminal do for you?" You asked, leaning on the doorframe and angling your face so you could see partially into the room behind you. Sure enough, you saw a little blur try to duck behind you, and you swirled to face Axe, who had his axe risen. You could hear Dr. Alphys gasp and Dr. Fell grit her teeth with an annoyed (and maybe entertained?) huff. "Axe! What have I told you? You cannot kill me!" 

"Watch me." He tried to move, but you grabbed his bony wrist. 

"No, go back to the others or I will confiscate your damn axe." 

"You wouldn't dare," he said slowly, narrowing his crazed eye sockets at you. You gave him your best shit eating grin, and said: 

"Watch me." With his line repeated to him, he was thoroughly scolded and took his axe and his bony ass back to his fellow bony inmates. You chuckled and turned back to the lizards, who looked impressed. Even Dr. Fell. 

You could feel your day slowly improving. 

"W-well," Dr. Alphys started. "W-w-we--" she was cut off by her more rude counterpart. 

"We got another loony for you to watch," she snapped, turning her head down the hallway. Now that you focused, you could hear quiet mumbling. Oh great. 

You could feel your possibilities of a good day shattering relentlessly. Fuck. Dr. Fell motioned for whoever was mumbling beyond your line of sight, and he slowly came into view. He was another Sans, not that that surprised you since it seemed like Sanses were more prone to insanity. A joke popped into your head, and it made you grin widely. The Sans (whose glowing pupils were uneven, you saw, and he was also in an unstrapped straight jacket that just _inspired_ you with confidence), looked at you with a wide grin that matched your own. 

"Oh! Hi! You're happy to meet a new friend, too, huh? You look so pre-" he would have continued talking at a mile an hour in a near-Papyrus volume, but Dr. Alphys distracted him with some of her soft stuttering to allow Dr. Fell to brief you on him. 

"You can call him Asy or Asylum. He's from a world where his Papyrus died for unknown reasons, and he went insane as a result. He is relatively harmless, unless he is having a seizure. When he is in one, his magic goes haywire and he is liable to hurt anyone in close proximity, though this is accidental. He also claws at himself a lot, so we brought a box of bandaids for you," Dr. Fell handed you an industrial pack of standard, plain bandaids. 

Oh boy. By the way he rambled on to Dr. Alphys, you could tell he was pretty innocent. It would be like having a non-murderous or human eating Gigantor. 

You immediately felt a sisterly protective instinct come over you. If the others messed with Asy, they'd have to deal with _you_. Especially since he lost his brother. You could empathize. 

You took the bandaids in one hand, reaching out for the new skeleton with the other. You smiled at him widely. "I'm (Y/N), but you can call me Penance, Asy," Asy absolutely beamed with happiness. He started jumping up and down in excitement. 

"Oh! Oh! Oh! You have a nickname too! That's so cool! I'm Asy, though you already called me that so I guess you know that already. Ooh who are the others I'll be staying with? Are they other me's too? Are they colorful?" You laughed, putting a hand on his head since he hadn't grabbed your hand when you had held it out. 

"Woah, slow down," you said with a soft chuckle. Then you sighed, losing most of your joy as you looked down at him gently. "I want you to try to stick close to me today, alright? Dr. Alphys and Dr. Meanie Head," you nodded to Dr. Fell, "needed a place to put you where you wouldn't be alone, but where you wouldn't accidentally..." you trained off, and his gaze at the ground said that he understood. You gently put your hand under his chin, making him look at you again. You smiled gently at him. "Hey, it's okay. Hurting people on accident is something you can fix, it isn't your fault if it's an accident. Me and the others in that room? We're more serious. I've recovered, mostly, but me and the skeletons in that room, we've hurt people on purpose," his eyes widened, slightly in fear but mostly in shock. You sighed and stepped back in case he was scared of you now. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable. 

"they aren't all bad, though! The two in black cloaks are literal gods of death in their home universe, though. So don't touch their bare bone, it will kill you. And don't sneak up on them, that's a good general rule. They probably won't hurt you, unless there's a spirit wandering around you," you tried to make it a joke but the look in Asy's eyes was hysterical, and not in the funny way. 

"No! They won't take my Papy!" He took a few steps back and you looked confused. He turned to speak to empty air, telling "Papy" that he wouldn't let those gods take him away. You went to put your hand on his shoulder, then realized he may not want you to touch him anymore now that he knew you've hurt people on purpose. So you called out his name gently; 

"Asy," he didn't look at you, and kept babbling hysterically to his brother that you thought was a hallucination. "Asy, look at me," he slowly looked at you, as if somebody else had told him to do that after you had called out to him. He still looked panicked. 

"I'll make sure they don't take anyone from you," you whispered, making sure he listened to you. But listen to me about the others first, alright?" He nodded, and you explained the basics about the others to him. Once you knew he understood, you led him inside and the two scientist lizards left. 

When you walked in you immediately had to shield Asy from an overenthusiastic Gigantor, who you grabbed by the vertebrae (do you know how hard that was? He was tall as fuck!) and gently pushed away. Getting the message, Gigantor sulked back to the kitchen to make a Giagantor-sized mess. 

When Asy saw Death and Reaper, he immediately hid behind you and looked apprehensive, but you didn't blame him. When he saw nightmare, though, he ran forward and pointed an accusing finger before yelling; 

"YOU! You attacked me inside my mind! That wasn't nice!" You had no idea when that had happened, but you came up behind Asy and looked down at Nightmare. 

"Nighty," you said in a low, menacing sing-song voice. "Did you harass this poor almost-cinnamonbun?" You asked, your jaw clenched. Nightmare snorted, looking at you with contempt. 

"Yeah, so? You can't do anything to me, so am I supposed to be scared?" He waved jazz hands at the word "scared." "I make people piss their pants, Angel, not the other way around." 

You cracked your knuckles, pleased to notice nobody cringe at the sound. You leaned forward over Asy's shoulder, making you seem taller than you were. 

"First time for everything, Nighty," you said darkly. "If I catch you harassing Asy while he's here, you'll be pissing a river through your pants when you see how angry I'll be. Don't forget I used to be an assassin; I know how to break. You. Down." 

You smiled at Asy widely, turning him away from the goopy jerkwad and pretending as if you didn't just say something certifiably horrifying. 

"So, Asy. Tell me about yourself," you said as you sat the both of you down on the couch. Asy peeked up, hyper again. 

"Ohhh! I love colors, and pretty bandaids! Look, look!" He pulled up the sleeves of his straitjacket to show his entire arms covered in bandaids, some of them revealed red scratches. Your gritted your teeth, angry at whoever had hurt this precious skeleton enough to make him to that to himself. "Aren't they cool? My friend Frisk gave them to me! She said that they're magical and can heal you!" 

You smiled softly, an odd emotion in your eyes that Asy and Death recognized right away. The other two Sanses couldn't see that look in your eyes from their position, Gigantor was oblivious (and still in the kitchen moping) while Reaper was in the kitchen trying to console Gigantor about how he didn't have to cry about not being able to hug their new roommate. 

"They're beautiful Asy!" 

Asy beamed at you happily, giggling. "I also love my brother Papyrus! He says you're pretty cool, but that I should be careful because you seem kinda scary too! But I think you're just nice!" 

Everything went quiet. You bit the inside of your cheek. Why did he talk about his Papyrus in the present tense? Was it his insanity? 

The Sanses were quiet, all of them staring at Asy as they figured out that his Papyrus was dead. Both Death and Axe's eyes were missing their glowing pupils, as they couldn't imagine losing their brothers for good. They could both see how Asy went crazy. Very. Easily. 

"Honey," you tried to say to Asy, but he spoke over you. 

"Papyrus is hiding from the guys in the cloaks, Death and Reaper. I told him to, because I don't want him taken away," he played with his bandaids, solemn for a moment. "Papy went away for a little while," he said softly before giggling and looking back up. "But he came back! And now he's with me all the time! He even calls himself my guardian. He keeps me safe, even if people think he's fake!" Asy rocked back and forth on the sofa. You blinked a few times before leaning back. The other skeletons expected you to try to gently tell Asy that his Papyrus was gone, that he had to slowly accept that. They expected you to be realistic. Instead, you said; 

"I'm glad he came back to you." 

Asy looked up at you with sparkles in his eyes. 

"You believe me?!" You sighed, looking up at the ceiling. 

"I want to," you said softly before closing your eyes. "I really, really want to. So I'm going to. If you think Papyrus came back to you, then he did. It's a nice thought, and I hope it's true," you explained. You opened your eyes, squeaking when you saw Asy's face right in front of you, only an inch away. His smile was gone, replaced with worry and... understanding. 

You knew in an instant that the seemingly innocent little insane guy had seen right through you. 

"Did somebody leave you and not come back?" 

You stayed silent, looking away. Asy settled back to how he had been before. 

"You lost someone close to you like Papy was close to me, huh?" He asked again, and you still remained silent. "That's okay! They'll come back if they love you, and I'm sure they love you!" You took a shaky breath. 

"Not everyone  _can_ come back, Asy," you looked over at him, tears in the corner of your eyes. The other skeletons froze, not believing you were even capable of crying. They had said some of the most insulting, tear inducing things to you the day before (well Axe and Nightmare did, with Death just being his usual morbid self which was close enough) and you hadn't even flinched. "You're just lucky." 

You decided to watch TV to distract you, and reached for the remote. You noticed it wasn't there, and scanned the room for it. 

And did a double take. 

There, in the corner behind Death (and his avoiding the death god's sight) was a certain ghostly figure. 

"Holy crap," you whispered. "He did come back." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday for that certain special somebody in the comments! Sorry it didn't come earlier, I had a busy day. 
> 
> Also, I know this is a little on the sadder side, but the next chapter will be half sad/exciting and half devious fluff (that's the only kind of fluff possible with murdering skeletons after all ;) ). So enjoy!


	5. Mission Impastable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heh. Heh. 
> 
> Bet you didn't see the pun in the title at first ;) 
> 
> Bet you double checked for it after reading that. 
> 
> Bet you thikn I'm an asshole now, and you'd be right. 
> 
> You also read that sentence wrong. 
> 
> Okay I'll stop now.

~~~~Okay. You officially had three things to do, and all of them seemed pretty impossible. First off was to pretend you couldn't see the tall (and surprisingly mature) skeleton ghost that now had to avoid being seen by either of the reapers, the second was to make sure said reapers never saw that skeleton ghost and help him avoid them, and the third was to keep Gigantor from making brunch for all of you. Everyone (even Asy, and that says something) knew that a brunch made by Gigantor would not be something they wanted.

Singing the Mission Impossible song in your head, you began your plan. And by plan, you looked away from the ghost you had just spotted five seconds ago and began to wing everything. Complete improvisation... impastasation. You grinned at your bad pun in your head, and looked Death in the eye. 

"What?" He asked irritably when you continued to stare at him for a full minute in complete silence. You smiled at him. 

"Nothing. I can just tell all my friends now that I have stared Death in the face, and I won't even be lying or exaggerating," that startled a short snort from him, and you heard Reaper shout in the kitchen. He had heard you. Now, Reaper peeked out to look at you and his brother. You saw Ghosty (your new nickname for Asy's ghost brother) instantly ducked down to hide from Reaper inside the floor. You tried not to get too excited at the fact that Ghosty could phase through floors and walls, and focused on Reaper. 

"BROTHER! STOP INFECTING THE HUMAN WITH YOUR BAD JOKES! They're Also Morbid, So They're Twice As Un-Funny," 

"Aww you killed the mood," you said mischievously, enjoying Death's chuckle and Reaper's deadpan face. "Besides, if there are ever people who have the right to make death jokes, it's literal gods of death and assassins. Besides, I had this morbid sense of humor for years. Death has nothing to do with it," you blinked. "Okay, that one was unintentional," Death was tearing up with silent laughter beside you. Reaper marched back into the kitchen, obviously not believing your comment about that joke being unintentional-- even though you really weren't lying. You looked over at Death when he calmed down. 

"Your names are too easy to make puns with," you remarked, rubbing the back of your neck. Death chuckled. 

"Yeah, but that's a good thing for me. I need some humor in my existence." 

"So do you guys celebrate Christmas?" You asked suddenly, inspiration having struck. Death looked at you like you were crazy. 

"Well, we're gods you know. There is a winter holiday, but it's for the humans to celebrate us and whatnot. Something about welcoming spring and life and being glad that they won't have to deal with their crops being dead much longer,"  he shrugged. "My bro and I should probably be offended, but we don't really care. Why?" 

"I just thought your brother would be the perfect--" 

"WHY ARE MY PUN SENSES TINGLING?" Reaper interrupted from the hallway, suspicious. 

" _Gift Reaper,"_ you finished with a shit eating grin. Death sufficiently distracted with giggles, you lead him into the kitchen to help Reaper stop Gigantor's brunch preparations. You heard footsteps behind you, and pivoted with expert speed in case it was Axe again. It wasn't; it was Asy. He was trying to follow you into the kitchen like a baby duck, and looked up at you with wide and happy eyes. You bit back a coo at his adorableness, forcing yourself to shake your head. Glancing back to make sure Death and Reaper weren't looking at you, you nodded your head towards the wall that Ghosty was now half in and half out of. Following your gaze, Asy lit up and looked back at you with a very wide smile. You knew he was about to shout in happiness that you could also see his brother, but you put a finger to your lips and shooed him away before going into the kitchen. 

The sight made you sigh. Gigantor was messily stirring a giant pot of-- you didn't even want to guess-- while Reaper and Death tried to pick up the food that was scattered all over the floor. Death, at least, made sure to only grab the things in boxes or bags but Reaper was in such a hurry to clean everything up that he handled even the fruits and vegetables bare handed, so when he put it all back in place it was rotted beyond the ability to be consumed and was crumbling away into dust. By the time it was all cleaned up (you helped, of course, to try and salvage more food) you were left without anything to make for brunch or dinner. It was all mismatched items, in cans, boxes, and bags. None of it would go together well to make a meal. Especially since some of the boxes had rotten away and somehow all the meat was rotted and crumbling to dust, too-- you guessed the plastic around it must have been too thin or had some small hole somewhere that allowed contact with Death or Reaper's bare hands. You scooped all the rotted foods into the trash can, along with the dust that remained of the first food victims, and it all landed in the bottom of the trash can with a dusty _whoomph_. You then turned off the burner below the now-burned "spaghetti" Gigantor had been making, and shook your head. 

"Gigantor," you said softly, pretending not to notice Axe appearing or of nowhere behind his brother, clearly warning you not to break Gigantor's heart. You didn't need the warning anyway. "We can't eat your spaghetti, you've made it too amazing for consumption," you said with a very theatrical sigh. "I'm afraid we need to dump it." 

Gigantor looked disappointed, but nodded. "I UNDERSTAND, HUMAN. I SUPPOSE OTHERS SIMPLY COULD NOT HANDLE THE GENIUS OF MY CREATION. IT IS A WASTE, BUT NECESSARY IT SEEMS," he dumped the spaghetti himself. That let you pull the credit card Dr. Fell had given you for any purchases you needed to make for the skeletons out of your pocket, and walked to the door.

"C'mon, Asy. I can't leave you alone with these guys-- oh, wait!" You ran downstairs to your room, and came back up with a long black cloak. It looked a lot like Death and Reaper's, actually, but it was made to button together at the collarbone and had a purple trim. You quickly put it on Asy and buttoned the button on the top, standing back to admire your work. The cloak was a bit long on him, but not so long that it looked bad. If he kept the hood down, then people would just think it was the eccentric clothing of a monster and nothing else. Asy admired his new cloak and looked up at you, eyes glittering. 

"Wow, thank you Penance! But, why did you give me this?" He tilted his head in confusion and you bit your lip to keep back a fangirling squeal. When you were sure you weren't going to let out any un-assassin-like noises, you let yourself answer him. 

"Well I don't have any other clothes for you, and I rather not waste time having you borrow clothes from one of the others and have to change into them. On the outside, a straitjacket will make people stare and scared of you, might even attract attention from people that we really don't need to deal with--" 

"she means cops," Axe butted in, but you ignored him. 

"But in my old cloak, you'll just look like another, eccentrically dressed monster. Much less worthy of the wrong kind of attention." 

"Haven't you killed people in that cloak though?" Death asked behind you. You made a face and shushed him. 

"Hush! He didn't need to know that!" You ran a hand over your face and consoled the suddenly not-as-excited Asy. Soon you were able to calm him down and leave with him to do some much needed shopping. Thanks, Gigantor. 

~

When the three of you reached the store (what, did you think Ghosty was gonna leave Asy alone with an ex- assassin? Getting him away from Death and Reaper was part of the plan anyway)you had to keep a hand on Asy to keep him from rushing everywhere with a childish glee. It made you smile and relax, though, despite the fact that half the reason you were holding on to him was because you knew monster haters might hurt him if he wondered off alone. Deciding that you didn't want to spoil his good mood, you took him to the arts and crafts section after you bought food for the week so he could get washable markers and paints and crayons. He seemed happy about that, but then you went to the medicine aisle to get sleep and headache medicine for yourself. You turned around when you noticed Asy wasn't next to you, and Ghosty wasn't sounding an alarm to make you chase Asy (the ghost didn't talk to you unless he needed you to keep his brother from wandering off, since he just went straight through him when he tried to hold Asy back). You found them a few feet away, looking at all the decorative bandaids. You didn't even stop to think; Dr. Fell didn't give you any restrictions on what you could buy with the card for shopping, and if she needed to she could take the extra out of your obscenely-large paycheck. 

You bought every kind of colorful or decorated bandaid that they had. Screw Dr. Fell's generic shit that she gave you earlier. Asy's sheer joy was worth it. 

After a quick stop at Tsarbucks for some coffee (you got a cream frappe for Asy, because you did NOT want to see what would happen if you put caffeine in him) you went home. By the time you unloaded all of your groceries and got them put away, Asy had three bandaids from your new collection on him; one on his right hand and two on his skull. It was also three in the afternoon and Death and Reaper were scolding you for taking so long shopping, stating that in the same amount of time it took you to shop for food for a week (and a life time's supply of bandaids) they could have reaped a thousand souls. Each. You let yourself be scolded as you sipped your Tsarbucks drink, not bothering to argue. It was the longest shopping trip you had taken in five years, and the first one in seven years that you had been able to do with friends. Let them scold. 

A week passed. You successfully kept Asy safe, kept Ghosty away from Death and Reaper, and kept up your charade about not knowing that Ghosty existed (only Ghosty and Asy were in the know about that little secret), and somehow kept Gigantor from poisoning all of you. All while avoiding Axe's axe. 

~

"C'mon, Penance!" Nightmare grumbled. "The little crazy's already got most of his arm covered in bandaids. Stop adding more!" You fake pouted up at Nightmare. Ever since your first night, he hadn't appeared back in your bedroom. He even sometimes seemed to be getting possessive of you. Just the other day, he actually stopped Axe from trying to kill you. Without needing to be asked first. Of course he proceeded to go down to his room and pretend not to care about you again, but you didn't expect anything more from him anyway.

You were also told that two other humans took two more public, innocent, non-suicidal jobs watching sane versions of Sanses and Papyruses just yesterday. Alphys also told you that two of the three Sanses that were going to join their houses today had to be seen by you first so you could decide if they were safe enough for those houses. You heard the knock on the door, and finished putting one last bandaid on Asy (it had little rainbow skulls on it!) before getting up to go. You opened the door and nodded, seeing Dr. Fell there just like you had planned. 

What, you weren't crazy enough to leave Asy and Ghosty alone with their numerous counterparts. You had just gotten Ghosty to talk to you two days ago! Voluntarily! 

"H-hi P-Penance! I'm g-glad you agreed to help s-scan these two to s-see if their safe enough for c-civilians to take care of!" Alphys said, pushing her glasses up on her snout. You waved her off with a smile, letting Dr. Fell walk in to watch the loonies (and Asy) while you went up to see the two skellies. Alphys led you up into a lab room, and you sat down in a comfy rolling chair while she went out to get them. You... may like rolling chairs a bit too much. 

"Wheee! Hahahaha!" 

"...Is she alright?" The deep (sultry?) voice brought you to a halt. You had been spinning in the chair like a little kid, kicking off walls and the desk so you spun while you travelled across the room. Now, you grabbed the edge of the desk in the room with a practiced precision, immediately stopping your joyride while also being careful not to tip you and the chair over. Having had to walk through crowded streets while lightheaded from loss of blood in the past, dizziness didn't really effect you much anymore and you were able to easily ignore the feeling and focus on the two new skeletons in the doorway. One was wearing a black and blue pinstripe suit, and the other was... well he was dressed like a male stripper. Based on the very brief info Alphys had given you ahead of time, it seemed pretty accurate. 

You instantly settled into a professional pose, elbows on your knees as you leaned forward with your feet planted firmly on the ground for optimal ease to attack or flee if necessary. 

Okay it was only a professional pose in the criminal world, but those kinds of professional poses were the only ones you knew. You just had to look intimidating and pretend you weren't just swerving around the room on a rolling chair. 

"Hello Skullface, Sex Machine," unlike Alphys and the others, you had absolutely no shame whatsoever. He wanted to be called sex machine? Fine. He'd just have to deal with your machine, metal, and robot puns later. 

"Well hello mama~" he started, undressing you with his eyes. You grinned darkly at him, chuckling. 

"No. I am not your entertainment, I'm your possible prison warden. The person you two want to avoid having to spend time with," you explained casually. You leaned back in your chair. Skullface wasn't even looking at you. In fact, you were pretty sure he hadn't even seen you yet because he was too busy watching the area behind him, probably paranoid of anybody sneaking up on him from behind. Then he finally turned around, and his eye sockets went wide when he saw you. 

"Penance?" He asked, his rough and slightly accented baritone voice actually slightly surprised. You say up straight, furrowing your eyebrows. 

"You know me? Sorry, but the only skeletons I know are the ones I've been watching for the past week. I doubt you could have heard of me in this universe, since you haven't been here long and have been stuck here in the lab the whole time..." you trailed off, frowning. Alphys hadn't given you any background on him, she had only warned you about Sex Machine because of, well, obvious reasons. She wanted you to make as unbiased a decision as possible. Skullface was shaking his head. 

"No, no, sorry. There's a Penance back in my world, too," that made you freeze. You didn't like it when people knew more about you than you were aware of. His grin widened when he saw your reaction. "She's an assassin back 'n my world too, but she's younger then you. We caught her, last year, after the first assassination her-- your, I guess-- former employers made her do. Busted 'er outta there, killed her old bosses, and had 'er join us. Now she still does jobs for us, see, but she isn't treated like crap because she's part 'a the family," you blinked, wondering how amazing your life could have been if that had happened in this universe. What could have been avoided... 

Skullface obviously saw something in your eyes, and his smile became slightly strained. "Uh, I'm guessin' nobody killed your old bosses here, huh?" You shook your head, and said something you knew he would understand if he had rescued an alternate version of you. 

"I lost count after sixty," you whispered, and saw his eyesight flicker out for the briefest of moments. He shifted on his feet, Sex Machine looking utterly confused as he (in a bout of once-in-a-lifetime intelligence) stayed silent. 

"So, uh," Skullface rubbed the back of his head. "On a lighter note, how's your sister? Bet she's badass in this world too, right?" 

You stared at him for a while, your eyes wide. After a long moment you finally croaked out; "She's still _alive_ in your world?" 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I was doing so good at keeping it lighthearted until the end! Oh well. 
> 
> Bye, I know this chapter is crappy as all hell. Forgive me?


	6. Accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Guys I changed the chapter title, sorry for the mistake!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was not at all supposed to be a serious chapter x.x' it was supposed to be funny, lighthearted, fun. But then it turned into THIS all on its own.

His eye sockets widened as he stared at you, silent for a moment as what you said sunk in. 

"You mean... Lil' Belladonna was killed here?" His eye lights were out, but that was the only sign that something was wrong. His body was calm, breathing normal, the picture of relaxation unless someone noticed he void in his eye sockets. You knew from that alone that he was an accomplished assassin, though you already knew that from what he had said earlier. Plus he looked like a nineteen twenties mobster, very suave. You could tell he was amazing at his job, and raised your guard. Just because he claimed to be on good terms with an alternate version of you and your sister didn't mean you could get lazy. 

"Well she never got sick and there isn't a person on this planet that knows more about poisons and venoms than she did. Add on the grace of a cat, and accidents are pretty much ruled out as cause of death," you said slowly, lowly. "My old employers, the ones I assume you rescued my alternate self from, they took Donna hostage. Hid her where I couldn't find her, and normally I can track down whoever the hell I want to find. But they kept moving her, and they'd send a new threat whenever I got too close. I had to do their jobs for them, but after several years of being their triggerman they decided they didn't need me, tried to send their halfbits in to get rid of me. Forgot that they didn't have a single person that was better than me in their employ. I killed their lackeys and tracked them down, but by the time I killed them I found out that they'd already gotten rid of my sister months before when they decided to get rid of _me_. I left the criminal world and tried to go clean," you lifted your arms out to either side of you. "I suck at that apparently, and ended up here, babysitting homicidal skeletons from across the multiverse," you turned your attention to Sex Machine.

"Now you, Mr. Stripper. I don't have any shame like the Doctors do, or like the other women babysitting the safe Sans and Papyruses. I'll call you Sex Machine, but you'll deal with my puns and you will not make a single advancement on me. I honestly could not care less about what you want me to call you, but if you end up in my care, needing me to look after you," you chuckled darkly, making Sex Machine's eye lights go out. "You won't have a very fun time. I dare say you'll be begging to go back to the normal house in less than a week. I have a Sans and a Papyrus that are murderers that have stayed underground centuries longer than in any other known universe, and they have started eating humans. That Sans goes by the nickname Axe-- and let me tell you, it isn't because of the cologne," you took pleasure in the disgust and fear that were growing on his face. "I also have a Sans and a Papyrus that go by the nicknames Death and Reaper, respectively, because they come from a world where monsters are gods and goddesses and they are the literal gods of death. I have a ghost Papyrus and his insane little brother Asy-- short for Asylum Sans. I'm having a tough time keeping Ghosty away from the death gods, but I'm managing. Asy also has random panic attacks that release his magic in an uncontrollable burst-- oh, I see you understand? You should, you two know your own magic better than anybody else right? I'm sure it isn't hat hard for you to imagine losing complete control of your powers and having attacks randomly pulled out of you because of a slew of different mental issues. Lastly, there's Nightmare Sans. Incarnation of negativity and nightmares. So, you'd rather be in the normal house right?" 

 

Suffice to say, when Alphys came in a minute later you told her that both of them were safe enough to be sent to the Sane houses. Skullface was obviously sane enough to exist well on the outside, otherwise he wouldn't have lived this long in his own world. Assassins needed to be able to get along with normal people anyway, for the long periods of time where they had to lay low to escape prison or murder from another assassin. 

And Sex Machine? Well you figured that you scared him enough to get him to behave at the sane house. He seemed pretty terrified of being put in your care. 

 

You made the walk back to the house easily, and opened the door to a sight that made you sigh. Since Dr. Fell was a monster, she was spared from Axe's attempts at murder. She was not, however, safe from one of Asy's panic attacks. She was yelling at everyone as Asy was crumpled on the floor at her side, clearly about to have his magic get away from him. You called Dr. Fell a thousand different names for idiot in your head as you rushed forward and slapped her. 

"Stupid!" You yelled, glaring at her. Everyone went silent, except for poor Asy. "Quit yelling at them for stupid things and pay attention to the skeleton that needs your help! On second thought, get out!" You pushed her out the door, locked it behind her, then raced to Asy's side. 

"Hey, hey buddy," you whispered, trying to get him to look at you to no avail. He was shuddering; the burst of magic was about to come. You looked up at the rest of the skeletons in the room. "Go down to the lowest floor and stay there. We don't know how bad his magic could get during one of his attacks. Go!" Axe and Gigantor left first, followed by Reaper. Death and Nightmare remained. You glared up at Nightmare, knowing he was about to volunteer to 'help'. 

"No, if you interfere it will make his attack worse. You know he has bad memories about you," you hissed at him, trying to get everyone to leave you the hell alone so you could do your job and take care of Asy. This was his first attack, at least the first that you hadn't been able to soothe before it got this bad. Death sighed and grabbed Nightmare by the end of his hoodie sleeve, scaring the goopy skeleton almost out of his bones from the very close proximity to Death. One touch and Nightmare would be dead, as we all knew. Death took advantage of Nightmare's temporary fear-stillness and dragged him off to the others. Only you and the now-visible Ghosty were left in the room with Asy, whose magic had just conjured a bone when you weren't looking. You gasped, feeling the magic bone slide over your arm, your attention having been on the retreating skeletons instead of the one on the floor beside you. You silently cursed yourself out in every language you knew how to curse in, seeing your now bleeding arm as your punishment for not paying attention to the person that needed it most. 

"Hey, Asy dear," you whispered, and he slowly raised his head up to look at you. You knew, you could feel it in the air, that more magic attacks were soon to come. You carefully moved your bleeding arm so that Asy wouldn't see it. "Hey buddy. Focus on my voice, alright?" 

"P-Penance..?" He asked, his voice soft and strained. You clenched your jaw as he let out a loud, pained scream and his magic jerked out of his control. You had no choice but to let go of him as the attacks flew towards you. Jump up, roll to the side-- ten bones, close together, flying at you from three o'clock. You slammed your body flat to the ground, the bones whizzing harmlessly over your body. Without hesitation, you rose the moment that the bones were out of the way and hurried over the few steps back to Asy. You knelt by him again, picking his upper body up into your arms. He flailed, screaming at the pain and clawing at his face as he kicked and wrestled against your hold. But Penance would not give in, you held him tightly and looked up to Ghosty. 

"What am I supposed to do?!" You asked him in a tense whisper, trying to keep your voice from raising too high as that would only make Asy's attack worse. "I'm not good st comforting people. I've hardly ever had the need to do it," your thoughts flicked back to your old job as an assassin. When you were paid to kill people, with your sister's life being dangled over you and threatened if you didn't do it, you lost the ability to comfort fairly quickly. Seeing people's lives drain away at your own hands makes any of the fluffy and soothing words you might have been able to produce before just melt away. 

"Just hold him and try not to get hit again," Ghosty instructed softly, also trying to keep his voice down for Asy's sake. "I'll do the soothing," Ghosty's incorporeal hands gently rubbed Asy's skull, and he began to murmur things that you couldn't quite make out into the side of Asy's head where an ear might be on a normal person. You grit your teeth and held firmly yet gently onto Asy, who slowly seemed to calm down enough to regain control over his magic. It seemed his brother's voice and reassurances were all that was needed. You sagged back in your position on the floor, letting out a relieved sigh. Asy stayed in your embrace for a while longer, sobbing into your shirt. You numbly ran your hand over his head, mumbling that it was alright and he was okay. It was the best you could muster. 

A little gasp and your shoulders being shaken made you open your eyes (you had closed them some time ago, the brief and tense moment having made you tired). You saw Asy, whose face was uncomfortably close to your own, with his uneven eye lights wide and worried. 

"Penance! You're bleeding! Oh, I didn't hurt you, did I?" He looked like his heart would break. You raised an eyebrow at him, giving him a lopsided smile. 

"Oh, come on Asy. You think a little scrape like this will cause me an issue?" You held up your injured arm. The cloth of your now-ripped sleeve had draped over the wound, hiding it from Asy even though it didn't hide the large bloodstain the wound had made on the fabric. "'Sides, remember how I told you I used to have a dangerous job?" He nodded. You had told him you used to be an Assassin, but he didn't know what exactly an Assassin did, he just knew that they hurt people. You simplified the matter by saying that it was a dangerous job where you had to kill people. That was all you would tell him. 

"Well," you continued, "I've had injuries a lot worse than this one because of that job, so you shouldn't worry about it, okay? I'll patch it up later." 

"Do you want some of my bandaids?" He asked, still clearly very worried about you. You laughed softly at how sweet he was, but shook your head. 

"No, bandaids are too small. I have some bandages in my room that are perfect though," he nodded, seeming pleased to hear that. He was only silent for a short moment though. 

"You still didn't answer my question, Penance!" He said in a slightly scolding tone, puffing out his cheekbones. You blinked for a moment, wondering how that was even possible with bones. "Was I the one hat hurt you?" He repeated. 

"Nah," you said with a shake of the head. You didn't notice Ghosty relaxing at your lie. "It was your magic, sure," and Ghosty tensed again. "But that wasn't you. You couldn't control it, so it wasn't really you that hurt me. Got it?" Asy thought for a moment before nodding slowly. You rustled the top of his skull as if he had hair, making his softly giggle and squeal in glee. "You okay now?" 

"Yup! Thanks Penance!" He got up happily, running down to tell everyone that he was fine again. The ends of his straitjacket sleeves trailed against the floor behind him. 

You sighed, standing up slowly. You immediately had to put your good hand up to your forehead, as a wave of dizziness crashed over you because of your blood loss. Ghosty floated over in front of you, making it impossible to ignore him. 

"...That isn't a little scratch, is it?" He said with a frown. You shook your head. 

"Nah, but it's not a big deal. I seriously have had worse, so just let me get down to my room and I can--" you stumbled after only two steps, crashing down and landing in a heap on the ground. 

"You can't even walk!" Ghosty sounded worried, but then again he was the only person in the house who wasn't sent there for being murderous or insane so it made sense for him to be worried about your wellbeing like a normal person. "I can go get--" 

"Who?" you demanded of him after pushing yourself up into a sitting position. "Huh? You can't call Asy because he'll be worried sick. You can't get Nightmare because he can't keep the secret of you existing, you can't get Death or Reaper because they'll probably try to reap you the moment they know that you do exist. And you can't get Gigantor or Axe because they're likely to kill me instead of help me," Ghosty was silent as you said this, and as you pushed yourself back up to your feet shakily. Even though he said nothing, he followed you down the stairs as you made your way to your room. You were suddenly extremely grateful that your room was on the topmost floor and nearest the staircase, otherwise it would have been hell to get to in your current state. 

 As quickly as you could without risking falling again you shut and locked your door, grabbed your rolls of gauze and medical tape from your bedside table, grabbed a sterile needle and thread from the drawer below that in the same table, and made your way to the bathroom. Ghosty still hovered like a worried parent as you plopped down on the cover of the toilet seat and carefully removed your shirt so you were just in your sports bra. You didn't bother being embarrassed, people went to the gym in public wearing only a sports bra on top anyway. 

Ghosty had no choice but to watch nervously as you began to stitch the long wound closed. It was worse than you had thought, about six inches long and fairly deep. Luckily though it wasn't deep enough to warrant a hospital visit, as you knew how to stitch your own wounds well enough that only a very serious wound would land you in the hospital. Or one that you couldn't stitch because it was out of your easy sight or on your back. 

"Are you sure you're okay? If you give me your phone I can probably call Alphys for you." 

"She won't be able to hear you, Papyrus," Ghosty's eye sockets widened. You had never called him by his real name, or any of the other Papyruses for that matter. He assumed you only did it because the two of you were alone and didn't have to worry about there being more than one Papyrus that you could be talking to. He was also shocked because of the tone of your voice. You sounded so... tired. Resigned. 

"Why aren't you more worried?!" He asked suddenly, fed up with your demeanor. You paused, looking up at him briefly before you continued your stitching. "You should be more concerned! You should be calling Alphys just in case you pass out while trying to stitch up your wound, or you should at least look like you care that your hurt!" 

"But I don't." 

"Excuse me?" Ghosty was caught off guard. 

"You heard me," you never stopped your slow, even stitching. "I don't care that I'm hurt. I mean, look at it from my point of view. First of all, I only got hurt because I hadn't been paying proper attention to my priorities. My priorities should have been on Asy, meaning that I should have been watching him and soothing him and staying alert for any haywire magic from him. I shouldn't have been staring stupidly at Death and Nightmare like a complete imbecile. Secondly," you finished off the stiches and let out a long sigh. "Secondly, I deserve worse than a little cut like this," you gestured to the wound you had just finished closing, and picked up a towel, wetting it under the faucet before starting to dab away the blood on your arm. "I killed a lot of people, Papyrus. More than sixty, probably even more than a hundred. I deserve to be killed that same number of times, over and over. Then again, killed over and over. This little wound is nothing. It's the first little speck of dirt in the mountain that I have to climb in order to atone for the lives I've taken and the lives I've ruined," Ghosty remained silent. "Just like whoever killed you, if it was a person and if it was done on purpose, should be killed at least three times over to pay for your death and the pain it's given Asy. Don't bother arguing; I know you and Asy are too kind to wish that kind of thing even on your own murderer. It doesn't change the fact that that is what I believe," your arm was clean of blood now. You leant back on the toilet seat, expertly wrapping the stitched wound in gauze and sealing the gauze in place with a small strip of medical tape. "Maybe that's why I took this job," you continued softly. "I knew from the start that I would be dealing with people with murderous tendencies. Maybe I hoped, somewhere deep inside me, that I wouldn't be able to handle this job. That these people would be the ones to finally succeed in killing me," you were both silent for a long moment before you looked up at gave Ghosty a lopsided smile. 

"But now, don't worry about it. I don't plan on dying or quitting this job anytime soon, so you're stuck with me for now. C'mon, I'm tired so I'm going to go to bed early. I'll probably wake up in time to make a late dinner. Can you go up and watch the others, of course without being seen? I'd appreciate it if you could come get me if they get out of hand." 

It took a while before he responded. "Sure," he nodded curtly. You smiled a little more genuinely at him before climbing into your bed and dozing off. 


	7. A New Machine for the House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I finally got the chapter title correct guys! Omg!

You were woken up not four hours after you had went to sleep. The lack of rest after loosing a good amount of blood made you grumpy, but you stilled when you saw who it was that had woken you up. 

Death. 

"Quite a thing to wake up to," you grumble, wiping the sleep out of your eyes. "I've heard countless lines in movies and read countless passages in books where a person romantically seems to fall asleep when they die, yet you've woken me up. What causes the change in script?" He stared blankly at you for a minute before huffing. 

"there was a large amount of blood on the carpet. it seems asy's brother was able to get asy not to rush down here in a blind panic when he saw the bloodstain, but me 'n _my_ brother?" He let out a hollow chuckle. "we patiently waited for you to get some rest, but i don't think we can wait much longer to sate our curiosity. show us the wound." 

"Wha-" you sat up all the way, and sure enough Reaper was at the foot of your bed, looking slightly worried. You frowned, eyebrows furrowing. "Now, hold on just a moment! You two would have already reaped me if I had lost too much blood so-" 

"That Is Not Why We Are Asking," Reaper said in a softer voice than usual. It made you freeze, as you could instinctively tell that this was the voice he used to console souls in order to get them willing to be reaped. Not even the pun that popped in your head-- con _soul-_ \- could rid yourself of the small pit of dread that had formed in your stomach. Without another word of resistance, you pulled your injured arm out from the covers. You hadn't put on a new shirt before falling asleep, so they had a perfect view of the stitches you had made to seal the ghastly looking rip in your arm. You knew they had obviously seen much worse injuries and a lot of them, so you weren't surprised when neither of them flinched at your arm. It did look pretty bad, though. 

"what did you do here?" Death asked, pointing to the stitches. "i've never seen anyone close a wound this bad before." 

You had to blink. "Umm, how advanced is the human population in your home universe?" You asked slowly, wondering if your suspicions were right. Both gods of death seemed confused, so you elaborated. "For example, do they have televisions and advanced kitchen equipment like we have in this house? How are houses made and out of what materials?" They looked at each other before Death answered; 

"the houses i see the most are log cabins and the usual wooden houses. some cities and villages have stone houses, but i don't really pay that much attention. i know that technology like in this world hasn't even been thought of by our humans yet." 

You sighed, rubbing the back of your neck with your good hand. "Well, then. What I did is stitch my wounds shut, the same way people might mend clothing or stitch blankets. You can't use the same thread though, and you need to make sure the needle is sterile-- or clean, so it doesn't infect the wound and make it worse. Stitching wounds is a medical practice developed a long time ago, at least in this world, to help people survive bad injuries like this," you shrugged. "It's gotten to the point where little things like this aren't considered fatal anymore, if the injured person can stitch themselves or can get to a hospital in time." 

Death and Reaper looked at each other, incredulous. 

You smiled drowsily at them, leaning back against your bed's headrest. "Yeah, we've come up with tons of ways to cheat death," you said with a shrug. "We've found cures to illnesses that used to be fatal, antidotes to poisons and venoms that could also be fatal, and the list goes on. In the end though, its only made life a little easier. There are still wounds we can't fix and new illnesses that pop up all the time, not to mention the ones that we still haven't cured. Then there are the people that can't afford the help they need to survive," your face fell. "Or the ones that can't get it in time. That's why you guys are still down here, even though you two are the most sane of the skeletons here. You can't go reaping based on criteria that would make sense in your world, because those people could still actually survive here... well, sometimes. Once you learn how it works here though, you'll probably be let go," deciding you shouldn't fall back asleep in the presence of gods of death, you dragged your sore body out of bed. Death and Reaper seemed to understand you though, and were talking softly to each other. You stretched out the muscles that you could, avoiding moving your injured arm. You didn't need your wound reopening right now, for sure.

"Oh!" You turned around, remembering something. Death and Reaper stopped talking almost immediately to look up at you, curious as to what caused you to speak up again. "Also, for when and if you guys get out of here; it would be best to wait to reap someone until their heart has stopped beating for at least one full minute. Humans can have a lot of Determination, and while it may annoy you or confuse you, the ones that are determined enough to stay alive can sometimes find a small window of opportunity to drag themselves back to life by pure force of will. Their window is usually less than a minute long though, so it shouldn't cause you too much inconvenience."

"why do you care?" Death asked, genuinely curious. "you took lives that weren't ready to be taken," you could feel the weight of his words, and in that moment you realized that neither Death or Reaper had forgotten about the lives you had taken. And while Reaper seemed forgiving, you could sense that Death was merely waiting for the right time to punish you for your heinous acts. You forced yourself to meet Death's endless gaze, no matter how much it hurt and shoved your guilt back in your face.

"I may seem like it sometimes," you said softly, "But I am not heartless. I want to atone, believe me, and the first step is to force myself to keep living so that I can do as many repentant acts as possible while I am still alive. Give those people that one minute window, please. Even if only to make up for the people that I never allowed that window," your only response was two solemn nods from the gods of Death. It was the best response you could have gotten.

A harsh knock on the door above your heads broke the solemn moment. Judging by the sheer volume and anger behind the knocks, you guessed it was Doctor Fell come to pay a visit. You started to walk towards your bedroom door to go upstairs and let the doctor in, but you were stopped by Death's hand on your shoulder. You stopped, then realized he had found a glove somewhere and put it on before he touched you. Looking back, you saw that Reaper had already left; probably teleported out of the room.

"i heard what you said to the ghost yesterday," wait wait wait; that reminded you! Death had mentioned Asy's brother earlier, and obviously again just now, and that meant that Death KNEW ABOUT GHOSTY! You paled, hoping the poor dead Papyrus hadn't been reaped yet while you were asleep and unable to help. "don't worry, i didn't do anything and my bro agreed not to try to reap him yet either. anyway, i already knew that you want to atone, but hearing you say it to my face helps me believe you. don't know if you've noticed, but you can't exactly lie to death's face, i'll be able to tell you're lying," his gloved grip tightened on your shoulder. "but i'll be watching you. Papyrus is the forgiving one, not me."

The knocks on the front door grew louder and more urgent, but you ignored them for a moment.

"I know," you whispered back. "I don't expect you to forgive me, especially if I don't even forgive myself. When I die, I want you to reap me. Punish me however you deem fair, then. Please," your jaw clenched. Death hadn't expected you to actually plead for him to punish you after you died, and his protected grip loosened on your shoulder. "I know I will have deserved it. And, since I don't know if I'll exactly be thankful when it finally does happen, let me thank you in advance on behalf of all the lives I've ruined," no longer wanting to continue this harsh conversation or listen to the almost as harsh knocking, you slip from his grip and walk up the stairs.

When you got upstairs, you found Death had not teleported up as you had expected, perhaps he had been too shocked by what you had to say? You pushed that thought away; you had only spoken your true feelings, after all. Best not to dwell on it.

Asy sat in the far corner of the room, covering the spots where his ears would be if he had any. He brightened when he saw you, but did it remove his hands from their protective placements. "Penance you're okay! Can you stop this noise please?" You forced yourself to smile, nodding at him and going up to the front door. Still thinking it was Doctor Fell looking to annoy you again, you yanked open the door and opened your mouth to say something sassy.

But it wasn't Doctor Fell. It was Alphys. And behind Alphys was Sex Machine, the version of Sans that came from a perverted universe.

"Um, what's wrong?" You asked her uncertainly.

"I took this jerk to the caretaker he was supposed to live with, but he completely misbehaved!" Wow, Alphys was mad. She didn't stutter even once. "He started saying a lot of very offensive and lewd statements right to the caretaker, and on top of that he antagonized the other skeletons and got a very deserved punch in the face from the single skeleton in the room least inclined to violence," wow. You looked at Sex Machine, raising your eyebrows.

"You went and fucked up, dude," you told him with a frown. "I thought I warned you that you didn't want to end up here," you shook your head, disappointed. You could see the sweat start to build up on the skeleton's skull.

"O-oh, I'm j-just going to leave him here for a f-f-few days, until he learns his l-lesson well enough that I can t-trust him to not act up a-again when I send him b-b-back," and there was the cute stuttering Alphys, back to normal. You smiled at her.

"No worries, Alphys. We'll traumatize him into behaving, no problem!" The poor stripper was pretty much soaked in fear sweat now. You grabbed him by the fuzzy rim of his crop top, dragging him inside without mercy.

Lots of pairs of eye sockets greeted him as the group of insane skellies stared, curious as to who the unlucky soul was that just got thrown in with them. You gave Sex Machine's shoulder a hearty whack, startling him.

"Everyone, this is Sex Machine! The other name he would like to be called by is Daddy, though for the innocent ones in this room, you will call him Lust. He is being temporarily put in our care because he couldn't keep his dirty language or antagonistic behavior to himself. As usual, violence is not allowed-- but I will allow you guys to scare the utter crap out of him. We only have a few days to make him suitable to live at the sane-skeleton house, so everyone work hard!"

Axe, Nightmare, Death, and even Ghosty all smiled evilly.

"But that sounds mean!" Asy protested, and Reaper voiced his agreement. Gigantor didn't say anything on the subject; in fact, where was he? You let go of Sex Machine, walking in search of the giant human eating skeleton. Then, you saw him in the kitchen, "cooking," and smiled.

"Oh look, Gigantor is already way ahead of us!" The scary toothed Papyrus looked over in confusion, but you turned away from him to face the terrified Sex Machine and the devious skeletons in the room. "I think phase one of your rehabilitation, Sex Machine, will be forcing-- ahem-- allowing you to eat Gigantor's cooking. Perhaps an... expertly prepared meal is the first push you need to reform your awful behavior."

"You are going to try to kill me while I'm here, aren't you?" He asked, looking a bit green in the skull. Nobody could miss the stench rising from the pot that Gigantor was working with.

"Oh, please, don't be a drama queen! I'm not in the killing business anymore. Everyone else here, though? I can't speak for them."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you like it? A serious start, offset pleasantly by a hilarious semi-cliffhanger. Even more "expertly" crafted than Gigantor's "spaghetti," don't you think?


	8. Fun Days of Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not as sadistic as I wanted to make it. Shout out to those of you commenters that gave me the strip club idea, I’m sorry I couldn’t take it exactly where I wanted. Warning, sexual-themed discussion in second half of the chapter. I toned it down for the more innocent audience (myself shamelessly included) but it is still unmistakeable.

You woke up smiling. The previous day had went splendidly; you all had a wonderful lunch. By wonderful, that of course meant that you cooked omelettes for the skeletons that deserved it while Gigantor and Sex Machine ate Gigantor’s cooking. It was affirmed that Gigantor’s tastebuds are either incomprehensibly small or have a tendency to malfunction impressively, as he was unaffected by his food. After lunch, you all held a funeral for Sex Machine’s tastebuds that was led by Reaper and Death. You then took Sex Machine and Asy (and by extension, Ghosty) to the most populated Starbucks you could find in town, secured the three of you that actually had physical bodies a table courtesy of your intimidating aura, and treated Asy to a smoothie and Sex Machine too a much needed extra-strong coffee as he goggled at all the fit and stylish women that came through the door.

Oh, and Sex Machine was forbidden to say a single word to any woman other than you for the duration of your coffee break. Five minutes in, you had to forbid him from talking to any of the males either. Turned out the lusty skeleton was bisexual. After you had that realization, you had caught that he was not only ogling the women, but also the asses of the fit and generally hot as hell males that also entered the coffee shop. It didn’t help that the baristas were all hot, regardless of gender. There was an androgynous bartender (whose gender you couldn’t discern and didn’t care to) who held Sex Machine’s interest for the longest time, and you could see the torture in his eye lights as he knew better to defy you and go talk to them.

After that, you had taken those three back to the building and the whole household had a game tournament. Turns out that when you, Death, and Asy formed a team you became nearly unbeatable in almost any combat game. Asy was a surprisingly amazing video game sniper. Nightmare rage quit after ten consecutive losses to Asy alone, destroyed all the furniture in the living room and his own bedroom, and was beat over the head quite literally by you as you were forced to leave the game tournament to take him shopping for new furniture. By the time you got back and assembled and put it all in place (teleportation was something you were becoming increasingly fond of) it had been time for dinner. Nightmare was forbidden from eating for food, and given the choice of either not eating dinner at all or eating Gigantor’s food, as punishment for his destructive temper tantrum. He chose not to eat. Sex Machine was granted pity, and allowed to eat your cooking. He cried tears of joy and praised you. Then you locked him alone in a room with Axe, Death, and Nightmare and you could hear him cursing your name again even from downstairs.

So yes, yesterday had been a wonderfully near-perfect day.

Day two of Sex Machine’s temporary residence in your territory was bound to be even better. You had the whole day planned! You skipped up the stairs, checking the oven clock to see that it was a bright and early half-past noon. Humming, you started making brunch as all the skeletons in the house stared at you in awe and slight fear. You were always happy and cheerful, sure, but usually in a slightly sarcastic manner. Your current cheerfulness was so thickly innocent that it put them all on their guard. It meant you were up to extra mischief today, and none of them wanted to be caught up in it.

Except, Asy and Gigantor were oblivious. They were most likely safe, as all the skeletons knew, so nobody worried about them. When you took out a brand new gallon of chocolate milk and proceeded to chug it instead of putting some in a large cup like usual, even Asy knew you were far, far too happy to be up to any good at all today.

Sex Machine didn’t wake up and drag himself upstairs until two in the afternoon, and even then he tried to inch his way into the game room without being seen by you. He failed.

“Hi~ my temporary favorite skeleton is finally up!” Sex Machine shuddered at your words, forcing himself to turn around. You were standing only a handful of feet away, beaming at him with a large smile and your hands on your hips. You made a cheerful ‘tsk’ sound, comically shaking your finger at him. “It isn’t healthy to sleep so long, silly! It also isn’t healthy to be rude and perverted to women as soon as you meet them, so by the end of the day we will remedy at least one of these problems in order to assure your health!”

“Wasn’t yesterday enough torture?” He whined, uncharacteristically meek but somehow his whine still came out slightly provocative. You figured it was unintentional (lust was there centerpoint of his universe, after all) so you decided to let that part go. You were harsh, but not too unfair.

Death’s chuckle drew the attention to him. “Yesterday was just a warm up. I think we all went pretty easy on you, actually. I didn’t expect Penance to be so nice to you even on the first day. Word of advice; just go along with whatever she wants you to do today. Struggling will only make it worse.”

Sex Machine gulped.

“Come on,” you grabbed his phalanges and dragged him to the door. “For the rest of you, Dr. Fell and someone she said was called Dr. Falls are going to watch you while I’m gone. Don’t give them a hard time or you’ll deal with me when I get back~”

All of the skeletons (minus Gigantor) made a mental note to not to anything that could even slightly be considered misbehaving while you were gone.

~~~~~

Sex Machine was confused. He expected to be immediately led to some form of mental torture that was centered around having to repress his sexual urges and perverted mouth. But you had led him to a restaurant, sat down with him at a table for two, and ordered some late-lunch-early-dinner for the two of you. It wasn’t a cheap restaurant, either. After cautiously eating for ten minutes after the food arrived in confused and anxious silence, he couldn’t resist speaking up.

“Umm, I thought you were going to punish me..?”

“I didn’t take you for a masochist.”

He blinked. “Did you… just make a perverted joke?” He spoke slowly, unsure of this new and unfamiliar ground he had stumbled upon. You winked flirtatiously, leaning over the table just right.

“I was an assassin, Sex Machine. How do you think I lured out a lot of my male targets so I could kill them?~”

Oh dear Asgore, your voice was so damn sultry it damn near struck his soul very painfully.

“I have a feeling I really don’t want to think too hard about that, out of concern for my own wellbeing.”

“I have a feeling you’re right. Think too hard and you might get hurt. But really, this is just a heart to heart. No outright torture, just a very uncomfortable conversation. I was going to also torture you by taking you to a strip club, but the author is running out of words to fit in this chapter and doesn’t want this arc to be too long.”

“... something is definitely wrong with what you just said.”

“Don’t worry about it too much. She’s also running out of good jokes.”

“Umm…”

“Anyway, back to the heart to heart. Why is it so hard for you to not talk perversely to people?” Sex Machine blinked at you, raising a brow bone.

“You did read the information about my world, right? The universe I come from revolves around sex. Our magic is perverted at its most basic form, or perhaps sex isn’t perverted in and of itself but still. When your magic manifests itself in a way that can only end in a climax, it is a bit hard to tell ourselves not to be… well, perverted.”

You nodded sagely as you digested this information. “You can indulge in your needs without speaking perversely, though. Seeing the trend with Papyruses, I doubt your brother deals with his magic and his urges the same way you do,” that made Sex Machine look suitably ashamed.

“Oh, ah, no. He doesn’t. Papyrus is always ridiculed because he gets attached emotionally to his partners, he actually falls in love. In our world, Monsters usually just…” he waved his hand, not wanting to test you too much by being too blunt. “No love, unless someone actually finds someone worthy of being their soulmate but that’s rare. Not much loyalty as far as sex goes, Favorite partners maybe but nobody really gets mad if you sleep with tons of people. In fact, it’s like a status boost if you do it with enough people and lewd language is just as common as normal speech,” he shrugged.

“Ah. So hitting on random strangers with lewd pickup lines is normal?”

“As normal as breathing.”

“I see. You know by now that that isn’t how it works here though, right?” You raised an eyebrow. He hastily nodded. You smiled. “Good. Here’s a hundred bucks, twenty of them in ones. And directions to the nearest strip club. Come home before four in the morning, respect people’s boundaries, and try to tone it down a bit. And don’t tell Alphys. Ever. Keep in mind, only talk lewdly if a woman approaches you like that first. With your lack of experience in our social functions, it’s better safe than sorry. Try being… charming rather than perverted, at least at first. That will help you avoid some painful backhands. Keep an eye out for boyfriends and husbands, and don’t tell Alphys.”

“That is the strangest parental-style speech I have ever heard in my life, but thanks doll~ Alphys won’t hear a peep from me, but it’s not my fault if she hears the screams I’m going to make some hot chicks—“

“Shut up now and just go.”

“Of course, Miss Penance.”

And he was gone.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now the Sex Machine torture Arc is over. Time to resume the creepiness, with a dollop of extra darkness added on top.


	9. Asy... Just... Asy...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well hello~ 
> 
> This is supposed to be a platonic reverse-harem story right? (Semi-platonic anyway. There may be romance wayyy later down the road, but never smut) In order to make it a reverse-harem, our lovely reader needs to interact with each of her “patients,” so from here on is what I like to dub the FRIENDSHIP ARC. 
> 
> With sprinklings of Lust Torture added in due to a certain commentor asking for it to continue.

It was annoying, Nightmare decided, how that goddamned Asylum Sans always got away with everything. When he drew on the walls? You’d clean it up with a smile and offer him paper. Even when the walls he drew on happened to be Nightmare’s bedroom walls, and the “drawings” being carefully veiled insults. Innocent? Hah! Innocent, his tentacles! That little... _thing_ , was a conniving, grief stricken little criminal mastermind! And he knew, Nightmare just  _knew_ that Asy had been purposely aiming at his character the previous day when they had had their gaming tournament. 

And you hadn’t even questioned it! Not the sniping, not even Nightmare had expected that little straightjacketed jerk to be such a good gaming sniper, but his room! Nightmare had destroyed the living room in his— as you dubbed it— “temper tantrum,” but he had never went to his room. He had had enough trouble reigning in his powers and anger in order to keep himself from doing anything worse than just ruining the living room furniture. 

That little Asy, though? He had smirked right at Nightmare the moment you had left with Lust to torture him. That little jerk had snuck off to Nightmare’s room and wrecked it to get the incarnation of negativity in even more trouble with you! 

And you hadn’t noticed! Why hadn’t you even questioned it? Why would Nightmare ever destroy his _own_ room? If he had really been that upset, he would have just went and destroyed the room of the certain skeleton that had kept sniping him!  

So now, the day after that debacle (and Nightmare’s failed revenge against Asy since Ghosty and Reaper had interfered) led to him waking up on his brand new bed to the oddest feeling that he needed to look in the mirror as soon as possible. It was also only seven in the morning— way earlier than when Nightmare usually woke up. That wasn’t a good sign. So Nightmare focused on his powers, the purple slime that covered his bones slightly shivering across his frame at the sudden use of the powers he hardly called upon anymore. He could detect… yes, you were upstairs. He could always find you, because your Soul was tainted permanently by the negativity of the murders you had committed. You were talking to… Oh, that was Lust. He was experiencing extreme fear, seems like you must have been scolding him for something. There was the leftover residue of anger that came from some unknown human, so Nightmare was able to deduce that Lust had likely brought some whore home with him, got found out by you and forced to teleport her away, and was now suffering the consequences.

Not what he was looking for, though.

There were Reaper and Death, in the room that they shared. They weren’t asleep, they never seemed to sleep. Instead, it seemed like they were taking turns going through— was that a portal? If it had been any other skeletons that had dared open a portal, Nightmare would have made a break for it. The fact that the people using said portal were gods of death, though, made him ignore it and move on. The only reason Nightmare could sense them, though, was due to the fact that their godly aura was very noticeable even with Nightmare’s magical radar being geared to specifically catch onto negativity.

There! Just one room below Nightmare, on the lowest of the residential floors, was a bubbling source of false innocence and joy. The mainly positive emotions almost burned Nightmare, making him open his eye sockets, shiver, and deactivate his magic. He knew where that little brat Asy was, now. And that was far too much satisfaction in Asy’s aura for it to mean anything good for Nightmare.

The incarnation of fear stood up, and cautiously walked over to his bathroom mirror. What he saw caused his tentacles to manifest out of anger, the appendages thrashing in the air behind him.

The little brat had drawn colorful rainbows and hearts all over Nightmare’s face in waterproof oil paints! The ooze that coated Nightmare’s bones always receded when he was asleep, and it had no effect on the oil based menace that covered his skull. If anything, the purple slime actually made the colors of the paint shine, as if they were mocking him. That little creep had probably infused the paint with his magic.

“YOU LITTLE TWERP! I’LL MAKE YOU RELIVE YOUR BROTHER’S DEATH UNTIL YOU BEG ME FOR MERCY, YOU GODDAMNED BUG!”

Itching for revenge, the evil manifestation of fear and negativity, the warlord that had brought even the Destroyer Of Universes, Error Sans, to his knees teleported to the room that Asylum Sans was in and proceeded to magically strangle him with his tentacles.

…

That attempt on Asy’s life ended badly for Nightmare. And “badly” meant that you had caught him, body slammed him, gave him a lugie straight in the eye socket (his shiver of disgust filled you with perverse satisfaction) and put him right into…

The Timeout Box. You had taken the box that the new coffee table you had bought yesterday came in, and made Nightmare sit in it in a corner of the living room and “think about what he did wrong.”

Oh, and the paint was still stuck to his skull.

The fact that Axe, Reaper, Death, Asy, Lust, and Ghosty snickered at him each time they entered the living room really didn’t help at all. To add insult to injury, you still wouldn’t tell him how the hell you found out so quickly that Asy was in danger and how you got down three flights of stairs and two and a half hallways in less than ten seconds. It was maddening, and he could feel your smug aura every time you passed him because you knew he was still stewing over how it was possible.

(Unbeknownst to him, Asy had been the one to wake you up at six thirty that morning claiming to have had a nightmare. He had refused sleeping in your bed, and instead handed you a mysterious looking button that he had a copy of. He said that if he was ever in trouble or had a nightmare, he’d press his copy of the button and it would send an alert to yours. So when Nightmare attacked him, he pressed his button which told you that he was in trouble, and you forced Lust to use his magic to find Asy and teleport you to him. In the end, Nightmare would have thrown a fit if he had found out that Asy had been one step ahead of him the whole time. The origin of these two buttons is a secret that Asy is not likely to divulge to anyone yet. Not even Ghosty has gotten that answer yet. Off in the distance, all the Readers hear a little chuckle as they try to ponder who gave Asy his latest tools of mischief. The voice, which the Readers are unable to identify, warns all the Readers that they better not mistake him for Fresh or Error.)

You entered the room half an hour after Nightmare’s exile to the Timeout Box. You were carrying a plate of cheesy hash browns and spinach, a new recipe you threw together randomly. It was actually good. You stepped into the spacious box with Nightmare, handing him the plate. The overlord of Fear blinked, then slowly took the plate as if it was going to bite him. After a bite of the food, he seemed to slightly get out of his angsty mood and proceeded to devour every speck of deliciousness on the plate. It was thankfully not poisoned, he thought when he finished. He had expected it to be poisoned.

“What do you want?” He asked you suspiciously, narrowing his eye sockets at you with distrust. You gave him a small smile.

“Why did you attack Asy?”

“Can you see my face, or are you blind? The harbinger of Fear and Chaos cannot go around with rainbows and hearts and kissy marks painted on his face! If any of my soldiers saw me, my reputation would be sullied, I’d have to make examples of every one of those cretins that dared laugh when they saw it, and built my reputation back up from the bottom. I cannot let such foolish acts go unpunished!”

“I understand Death and Reaper talking like they just came out of a Shakespeare play or Greek Mythology adaptation, but I’ve heard you cuss like a sailor so often that that little speech of yours makes me want to laugh.”

“I can make you relive your greatest fears the moment you go to sleep and trap you in a coma like state that you won’t be able to wake up from on your own, forcing you to deal with your fears for an indefinite amount of time at my mercy.”

“I can ruin your reputation to the point of it being irredeemable the second I wake up as retribution. Asy was just playing an innocent little prank. Let it go, oh powerful overlord of Fear and anger that I body slammed to the floor.”

“Innocent? That heathen has been getting away with everything! He is the only skeleton in this building that actually breaks the rules on a daily basis on purpose and never gets punished.”

“He’s an adorable little cinnamon roll! There’s no way he does any of that stuff just to be mischievous. He is making honest mistakes!”

“Oh, like how he ruined my room yesterday and blamed it on me?”

“Your slime was all over the broken furniture down there! How could that have been Asy?”

“My “slime” was not on any of the broken stuff up here in the living room, was it? And you saw me in the middle of wrecking it. That idiot found a way to make my slime as if it was a little arts and crafts project and planted it as fake evidence!”

“... I still can’t believe that little sweet Asy…”

“He isn’t sweet! He is a conniving little twerp!”

“If he really did do everything you said he did, don’t you think it’s as revenge for whatever you did to him in his dreams that he talked about on the first day he arrived here?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, Asy hasn’t pranked anybody else, has he?”

“Well, Uh, no, but—“

“Then you deserve it. I’ll talk to him about stopping, but don’t think I’m going to just forgive you for trying to strangle him. He is still the most adorable skeleton in this house.”

“You are a ruthless tyrant.”

“Says the self proclaimed tyrant.”

“Fuck you.”

“No thanks.”

“Do you have a comeback for everything?” Nightmare snarled at you, starting to get pissed off again. You climbed out of the box, dusted yourself off, and smiled at him innocently.

“Absolutely!”

 


End file.
